Countdown #2

I bury my nose in my duvet. She bought me these sheets. I can’t shake that from my mind. She bought them. Even though my old ones were perfectly fine, she hated them. Too masculine. I’ve never understood how bedding can have a gender. She went to Tesco and bought a cheap set of sheets, pale pink in colour, adorned by sequinned butterflies.

“Do you like them?” she grinned.

I smiled, because I didn’t really care.

I try to remember how long I’ve been here, cocooned in a cocktail of my own sadness and questionable body odour. I hear the faint sound of the ticking clock from that TV show coming through the walls. The scrape of a bowl, the shuffle of a chair. I can almost see Dan eating cereal in his pants at 3 o’ clock in the afternoon. He’ll be in here in a bit. Knocking timidly on the door to bring food and to check that I’m not dead.

“You alright mate?”

I reply wordlessly, hoping he’ll interpret my gratitude through my guttural groans. He sighs and goes, leaving a bowl on my night stand.

When he’s gone, I sniff the sheets. They don’t smell of her anymore. Just me.

She never showed me how to use the washing machine.

Countdown Chronicles #1

Sometimes simple words hurt the most. When someone dances around the point you can tell that they’re worried about what they’re about to say. They actually still care a little bit about you. But when they come right out with it, like it’s the easiest thing in the world… I don’t know. When she said it, I didn’t really hear her. It was like she was asking me what I wanted for tea. She just plopped her keys down on the side and turned to me. Hands on hips.

And I’ve said it more times than I can count. On the sofa one night when she said that Nicolas Cage was her favourite actor and in the kitchen when she told me she didn’t really like drinking coffee that much. But it was a joke. Always a joke. And she’d always laugh.

I ask her to repeat it and she looks at me, with those grey eyes that used to be green, I’m sure of it. She sighs before leaving the room in a huff. I wait in the living room, staring at the door, my eyes slightly wandering back to the TV where Countdown is playing. Someone just got seven points. 

She’s back. She’s got her suitcase in her hand.

“I don’t love you anymore.”

Reflections

There is a lake nearby, only a couple of miles down the road from town. Our parents used to take us, when we were really small, and watch from the sides as we splashed around in the shallows. We swam for the first time. Shrieking and gasping, our short baby fingernails caked in dirt from where we’d scratched at the waterbed in a wild heart-stopping panic.

“Now that wasn’t so bad was it,” our mothers would whisper later when we’d been pulled out of the dark water and wrapped in a pair of warm soft arms.

We shook our heads, “No…”

We got older, all of us, and soon our parents no longer sat at the side lines. We’d go every summer, every day. Someone tied a rope from one of the branches overlooking the water and we all had a go. Swinging through the air, the wind blowing our wet skin dry. We wanted to live forever.

You’re not supposed to go in the dark but we did. He took our hand, held our purse as we hopped the fence. It was always the same, for all of us. Sitting by the water, dangling our toes, head fuzzy from those funny drinks he’d made us have earlier.

“I love you, you know you’re the one.”

His hand, inching slowly up our thighs.

“No one has to know…” 

He got angry when we said no. Ripped our shorts off. Did it anyway. Forced our heads too hard against a rock. Rolled us into the water in a guilty panic. His fingernails caked with mud from the riverbed. No one found us ‘til morning. 

-

Inspired by 'Reflections, Weston-On-The-Green' by George Davison (1899)

 

Liebster Award

I only just learnt what a Liebster Award is and was nominated by the lovely Jamie, despite the fact that I haven't posted that much! Thank you very much! You are the only person who has ever commented on this blog so far and your support is so nice. You're also a top bloke who I never get round to meeting up with over the holidays...
Okay so a Liebster award is an award given to you by another blogger. It works in a tag/chain sort of way where the recipient has to repost a list of their own nominees with a list of questions for them to answer!
I don't follow many people on blogger! I tried to compile a list of my 11 favourite blogs but I only got to 9
! I also don't know many people personally so I am literally going to be tagging strangers... sorry. Anyway, in no particular order...

1. Being Little is probably one of the first blogs I ever read on here. I've never spoken to Lyzi but she seems lovely and is very very talented and creative!
2. whimsicella is one of my lovely uni friends. She is super gorgeous, super nice and I'm very happy that I've been able to get to know her a bit better this year!
3. theatrefilmandtv  is another lovely girl I met at university. She is my go to blog whenever I want to know what I should be watching/listening to.
4. ron99ification is another uni friend! Again, I can vouch for the fact that he is a genuinely nice person with great taste! I've only read a few of his blog posts but he has some great ones about films and music. I'm waiting on an FOB review!
5. emilydianaruth and jmeleemiller. I don't know them and they're maybe not bloggers but they are wonderful film makers and I'm running out of blogs I follow but the videos they make on their shared youtube channel called Daughterland are my main inspiration to become a filmmaker. I've not uploaded any of my own videos yet - too scared - but they are my main source of inspiration. The videos are touching, beautifully shot and a must-see.
6. YeahWrite! is again a very inspiring blog. I would love to start my own online magazine. Great for story prompts and reading other people's work.
7. cursewordsandpoetry is from another lovely uni friend! I mainly visit Michael's site for posts that are usually funny, thoughtprovoking, epic etc. He is one of the best people I know.
8. heatherbel1 is a good friend of mine. She's an artist and her tumblr is an amalgamation of "Stuff she likes". She also made a stuffed Totoro. I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION NOW DON'T I? She is fantastic.
9. charcollins is my beautiful flatmate and her blog is very new, but she has had a tumblr for a while so it's okay! Check her out, she writes about films and TV and one day she will be getting Oscars and stuff for making films and TV, okay bye.



1/ How do you listen to your music?
Through headphones, loudly, walking. I sometimes play music at the gallery I work at when I'm feeling particularly sneaky...

2/ Do you use local independent shops to buy your books, records, etc.? Why?
5 months ago I would have said yes but I'm afraid I don't buy many books now, thanks to the Kindle. And I'm not sorry that I have one because it means I can read tons of books for less money and I DON'T HAVE A JOB. So there.

3/ Your three favourite second hand shops.
Whenever I go to these shops I always stay a bit too long...
- David's Book shop in Letchworth town: I've been going there all my life and everyone there is very nice and helpful.
- There's a book store in sheffield and called Rare and Racy and it is just cool. The guys who run it are pretty old but are in no way lacking in the ice cool factor. Whenever you go in there you end up staying for hours.
- Cow Vintage shop is my go to place when I want to find a unique piece of clothing. I particularly love rifling through the bargain room upstairs. Another good place to browse for a couple of well spent hours!

4/ Top four cheeses.
I hate cheese so much, what is the point?

5/ What is your favourite city?
This is a very not nice question because I love a lot of cities - especially cities I have never visited! I have always loved London and would like to someday live there. I don't know if I'll be able to handle all the hustle and bustle to be honest! I would also love to live in Chicago one day. I've never been there but somehow it's crept under my skin.

6/ Have you any first-, second- or third-hand words of wisdom to pass on to your readers & I?
"Just do it, even if it's not perfect. Just do it." - Amy Poehler

7/ Do you tend to view religion as a successful idea-turned-institution, or an intensely personal experience? Are the two mutually exclusive (does the first not negate the other? (feel free to answer in a line or two IF YOU'RE BORING(/interesting)))
I'll be honest with you. I don't like discussing religion. But if you put a gun to my head I'd say it's a personal experience. I don't care what other people believe - not to say that I'm not interested in religion, I do love learning about different religions, cultures and traditions - but I don't like to judge people based on things like that. I like the idea of religion being a bit like the 'Pray' parts in Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. So yeah, that's my very basic opinion.

8/ Which punctuation mark do you like the best?
"- I love dialogue, let's talk.

9/ Is there any way in which the internet smiley ':3' does NOT look like a botched circumcision?
Thank you very much for putting this image in my head.

10/ Is book burning necessarily unjustifiable?
Unless you're really cold and you're in a Day After Tomorrow kind of situation then just don't burn books, okay?

11/ Is this valid?
I love that. I'm glad I saw that. I think it's a good thing to try and remember. Lately I've been trying to live a bit like that... you know. Going for things... participating. I recommend it.

My questions for you guys!
1. Where is your favourite place? What does it look like?
2. If you could offer a newborn child one piece of advice... what would it be?
3. If you had to teach something what would it be?
4. What is your favourite ice cream flavour?
5. What's your favourite musical? What's your favourite song in it?
6. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
7. What did you want to do when you were five years old?
8. If you had 30 seconds to give a speech to the whole world, what would you say?
9. Would you rather be trapped in a phonebox for the rest of your life (you can ring ANYONE IN THE WORLD but you never need to pee or eat) or wander about with a microwave attached to your back,. weighing you down (plus people keep microwaving stuff when you walk by them...)?
10. What is your favourite colour?
11. Do you think animals can understand humans?

How To Get Through Exams

The answer is simple: Listen to Debussy.

That old dude gets me through every essay and assignment and I always feel a little bit like a character from Downton Abbey whilst listening.
Want to de-stress before that final exam?
Lie down, stick one of these on and calm the hell down. You're welcome.

1. Rêverie 2. Nocturne 3. Clair de Lune

Tales of my Grandmother

"Here Victoria, look at this."
"What is it?"
"Lottery ticket."
"Right, yeah, why are you giving me this?"
"Well look at it, I've won you a fiver. Take that to a lottery place and you'll get a fiver... Don't you want a fiver?"
"You can keep it! It's yours!"
"You can do without a bit more money can you?"
"No, well..."
"Take that and get your five pounds and then what you wanna do is get five more tickets. I got 20 quid the other day. Then you get more tickets - they're only a pound each- and eventually you'll be a millionaire!"
"Right, okay, thank you..."

I'm pretty sure that my grandmother has been doing the Lottery ever since it started. It's gone slightly beyond an obssession now as she probably spends AT LEAST ten pounds a week on lottery tickets. When she was younger, a fortune teller told her she would one day win a lot of money. So I guess she'll keep on buying tickets until she's a winner...

The Impossible / Procrastinatin'

      
I WATCHED THE IMPOSSIBLE ON SUNDAY AND IT IS HAUNTING ME. I’M ALSO LISTENING TO THE SMITHS SO I’M DOUBLE-Y BUMMED OUT RIGHT NOW.
So first. The Impossible. I want to scream for a long time. It was so powerful and horrifying and moving. I can honestly say that I started shivering from the very first moment. The screen is black and there is this awful wall of sound, a crescendo of waves and it is so uncomfortable and actually scary.
I felt like I was there and that is a pretty rare experience for me. The performances by Ewan McGregor, Naomi Watts and the three children - especially the oldest boy - are phenomenal. I would not be surprised if the film bagged a few oscars. The cinematography was so beautiful and terrifying at the same time. There is a moment at the end where the mother (Naomi Watts) is dragged under water. It is such an awful scene as the mother’s injuries are the most brutal of her entire family - her flesh is literally hanging off at some points - but the scene where the water has taken her is so clear and powerful. And then she comes out of the water and reaches her hand out and it is so beautiful and glistening because she is alive.
I don’t know how to describe a film that made me cry for a very long time. Again, I just wanted to do a little word vomit about it so I didn’t have to write this stupid essay.

I originally posted this on my tumblr but I am currently making more of an effort to fill this blog with all my writerly stuff and keep my tumblr full of cats and Harry Potter gifs. Right now, my blogging is a mish-mash of both of these things. So I'm sort of cheating by transferring some of the things I write onto this blog. Oh well! I'm not sorry! I kind of like having a blog with more serious things that if someone asked me about my blog I could direct them whilst also having a silly, fun blog where I can generally continue being a douche for the rest of my life.